Unseen, Unheard and Forgotten: Caregivers
‘Is anyone listening?’ you whisper. No answer. This wall of silence, isolation and even denial—on the part of others—which surrounds a caregiver is one of the hardest to bear.
It enfolds you like a cocoon; not a warm, fuzzy one, but something that feels like it has tiny iron spikes attached to it, which prick you spitefully from time to time. You can see others, you can hear them, but it’s as if you’ve become invisible to them. Tainted by association—that’s what often happens—both to caregivers, and the one they are caring for. When people ask why in these times stressful for all, do we need to talk especially about caregivers, this is my reply…
A tiny peep into the day to day lives of caregivers.
‘You build castles in the air. I try and build a home on the ground.
You say things casually. I make them happen. The more practical ones at least!
You live in a world of fantasies; mine is rooted in reality.
I do twenty things for you. You only focus on the one I didn’t get around to.
I am struggling with emergencies. You are lost in your own world, standing still, while I am moving forward, paying bills.
The self-absorbed go all over the place, enjoying their life. I work in silence, watched by hostile eyes as though I have ‘Villain of the year’ splattered all over me like graffiti…’
Falling apart inside, trying to look ‘all put together’ outside.
How do you react when this life becomes your reality?’
That’s an answer I will leave for society, for on it depends the future, not just of one, but so many. One good sign is that we are talking more about mental illness now, because it’s something we can no longer ignore.
Along with it, we also need to talk about those who don that ‘crown of thorns’ so gracefully—yes, the caregivers. It needs a change of perception towards the ill and those who look after them, which I’m sure will happen. Eventually.
But the first step towards this is dialogue, conversations. The media has taken the first step by writing about how prevalent this problem has become in today’s world. Is society ready to take it forward? A little kindness, a little empathy goes a long way. Not too much to ask, is it?
Coming Soon: Part 3 in this series on Caregivers
About the writer: Sujata Mathur is a caregiver and former journalist. You can read more of her writing here below
